Late Nights with my best friend, TV

Im back to having insomnia. I heard a domestic quarrel on the 2nd storey today and I stopped to listen. I imagined a whole block of quarrelling couples with different problems. Money, Time, Kids, Affairs, In-Laws, Family. I hear their harsh tones and hurting words and I imagine them fight. I imagine them cry and I imagine their pain. I imagine their thoughts and I imagine myself in them. I feel the fear and I feel apprehensive of what could be. How could two persons' mutual paradise turn to a true reality of living hell?

Make ups and break ups and loving and cheating and promises and lies. Nobodys perfect and nothing lasts and shit happens and you deal with it and you think you learn but you do it all over again and the whole vicious cycle begins and you cry and you curse and you are broken but you accept the whole ugly world and you dont trust and you believe youre good alone and you suffer alone. You live alone, you grow old alone, and you die alone. And you wonder why and its too late cos nothing can be mend and nobodys got a solution but you just got too tired of trying and failing and losing.

And eventually you only got yourself to blame.

Land Mine

Lately I've been circling a land mine. It explodes wherever I step. Sometimes I'm lucky it doesnt hurt me so bad. Other times I wish it would blow me up dead. I try to figure but I don't see a pattern. I can't get out of the land mine, I don't see beyond it. It scares me not because it might kill me, but it leaves me in a torturous state unpredicatable fear.

In this land mine, I'm alone, I bleed and I cry alone. I hold your hand thinking you are there. Only for a moment, then it explodes again.